Jesus was bullied, so was David and many others in the bible. Bullying is as old as time and will never be eradicated. There is no vaccine for the afflictions caused by the human condition.
People are social creatures. We all have the desire to fit in and to be liked. It might be an oversimplification, but the cause of bullying and the lack of abuse reporting by the victims stems from a desire to be loved. As social creatures, people search out ways to fit in, which provides the momentum for the bully, and unfortunately, it also leads to abuses going unreported.
As a child, I often stood out. Identifying a target is considerably easier if he/she is not following the crowd. Different gangs of bullies imposed different degrees and methods of torment. Some resorted to physical tactics to illustrate to their gang that they were an alpha male and “worthy” of being part of their click, while others succumb to peer pressure to execute a seemingly never-ending barrage of emotional provocations.
My response to the emotional bullies was never to engage, or at least try not to. It’s easier said than done. Their goal was to provoke a response from me and by not providing them that satisfaction, their immediate interest in me waned. They moved on. At least for the time being.
Physical bullies, of which there were only two during my entire schooling career, were those that laid hands on me in some form or another. It ranged from minor actions, such as tripping me up, to violence. I ignored the small stuff, but unlike the emotional bullies, the lack of response drove the physical bullies to escalate. One day, following a punch in the back that forced me to the floor, I stood up, turned around, and calmly punched the bully in the face, bloodying his nose. That was the last time anyone bullied me. I don’t advocate violence and would like to think that I exhausted every possible remedy before deciding to take that action. Sometimes, you need to shout in a language that your audience understands.
My advice to my sons, one of whom has already experienced some minor bullying, is never to act out of anger. When you give others power over your emotions, you give them authority over your life.
Bullying is never caused by the target of their unwanted attention. It’s never the victims’ fault! It is an overwhelming insecurity that drives bullies, and they overcompensate to fit in. To quench their anxiety, the fear that they won’t be liked and that in turn, will lead to them being ostracized, they act in a manner that they deem to be in alignment with the gang’s wishes.
“Gangs are where cowards go to hide.” Mickey Mantle.
Bullying is a much larger issue than we want to admit to, with nuances and consequences. Sadly, there isn’t a panacea to this problem. It’s ineffective and arrogant to apply adult logic and the experience that comes with time and hindsight to a mindset that doesn’t have that luxury. To attempt to do so is flat out wrong and skirting our responsibilities. This is not an adultescent issue, it’s a societal issue. As a society, as parents, we need to accept some responsibility for what our children do and hold them accountable.
Often both parents work; ipads and tv are acceptable babysitters and forget the quality time spent around the dinner table. Life is busy, complicated, and messy; frankly, we are oblivious to our surroundings. Have you ever driven to the store and wondered how you arrived there? Not remembering the traffic, turns, route? We all have. We put life on autopilot until someday something terrible happens to wake us up, and we do just enough to address the issue so that we can put life back on autopilot.
As a society, we have become more accepting and welcoming of the significant issues, but we are overlooking the small ones. Our children do what they see others do. We need to teach our kids to love each other and themselves. We need to demonstrate acceptance, and responsibility and exercise accountability. Making a difference starts at home and must be continued in class.
By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme/
P.S. I post for my edification as part of my dedication to jumping into the deep end of the internet brand pool. My posts are part raw life journal and part discovery of my voice.
P.P.S There isn’t very much satisfaction in getting the world to accept your viewpoint and praise you. If you only want to hear your opinion, talk to the mirror.
