Category Archives: Parenting

2am, General Ramblings, Letters to my sons, Not So Private Thoughts, Parenting

Superheroes in Zuhausehosen

The person ahead of you at the supermarket might look like everyone else: tired, distracted, trying to remember whether they need milk. You would never know that earlier that day, they took the first step toward a better life for themselves and their children.

Some parents do extraordinary things in ordinary clothes. They take risks they would never take for themselves because they believe that they and their children deserve a better future.

After all, it’s easy to make a baby. It takes only a little biology, a questionable amount of judgement, and—depending on the circumstances—possibly a “forgotten” condom. Making a life for that baby is the much harder part. That takes courage, planning (who am I kidding – planning! yeah right!), sacrifice, a sense of humour, and an alarming number of snacks.

I won’t pretend every parent makes those choices. And I won’t pretend courage makes the consequences easy to bear. Sometimes doing the right thing means carrying fear and responsibility at the same time, with no guarantee that anyone will understand. Most probably won’t.

The children might not understand yet, not fully and not for years. They may only see what changed, what they miss, and how unsettled life feels now. But they have a parent showing them what love and courage look like when both require action. They are learning that true love means respect, honor, and that self-worth matters—and that they matter enough to be protected.

Parents who make choices like that deserve our admiration. So tonight when you go on your knees and pray, also thank God for the ones who find the courage to act, and ask Him to give them strength and blessings for the days ahead.

So the next time you’re standing in a checkout line, look around. The person ahead of you may look worn out because today they did something extraordinary. Be kind. They might be a rockstar who kicked some serious butt today and stopped for milk before going home to build a new “ordinary”….

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

Standard
Not So Private Thoughts, Parenting

Love Carries the Irreparable

In 2021, I wrote as a man imprisoned by Fate—angry, hollowed out, and still fighting the terrible finality of death. I believed my heart had hardened. I know now that it had not hardened. It had shattered beneath the weight of a love that suddenly had nowhere to go.

Aaron was only nineteen months old. He should have had a lifetime. He should have known scraped knees, first days of school, birthdays, triumphs, failures, laughter, love, and the man he might have become. Instead, time stopped for him while demanding that I continue without him. That is the cruelty of grief: the world keeps moving when yours has ended. Morning comes. People laugh. Children grow. Years pass. Yet a part of you remains trapped in that single unbearable moment, still pleading for one more breath, one more heartbeat, one more chance to say goodbye.

Aaron’s physical life ended, but my relationship with him did not. It could no longer exist through the warmth of his body in my arms, the sound of his voice, or the life we should have shared. It was forced to take another form—one carried through memory, dreams, faith, and the unalterable truth that I remain his father.

These are not refusals to accept his death. They are the ways our bond survives it. The purpose of grief is not to detach from Aaron or leave him behind. It is to transform my relationship with him—to find a place for his continued presence within a life that must somehow continue without his physical presence. Love and devastation now exist together within me. They are opposites I must hold at the same time. The devastation does not diminish the love, and the love does not erase the devastation. Neither cancels the other. Together, they bear witness to the depth of what was lost.I no longer believe that healing means becoming whole again. Some losses become part of the architecture of our souls. We do not leave them behind. We build our lives around the empty space and learn to carry both the agony of their absence and the privilege of having known them. Love does not make the burden lighter. It makes us strong enough to bear it.

Tomorrow, I will face another anniversary of the day Aaron left this world for his heavenly home. I will grieve the little boy I lost, the years he never lived, and every memory we were never allowed to make. But I will also speak his name. I will remember his life. I will insist that he mattered then, that he matters now, and that he will matter for as long as I draw breath.

I am still his father. He is still my son. He still matters. He always will.

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

Standard
2am, Parenting

It’s 2 am, God.

It’s 2 a.m., God. The house has finally gone silent. Kids are fast asleep, I’ve shut down the emails, and now it’s just me rattling around in my own head.

I can’t stop thinking about how badly my boys need their dad. Not some generic father figure or a box to check off. Me—actually me, all in, not just hanging around the house but really showing up in their world – perfect is not the goal but to excel is.

I’ve seen the stats, you know? What happens when dads aren’t there—the way kids end up fighting uphill battles, carrying scars that don’t fade. And even if you’re physically home, if you’re zoned out emotionally… man, that hits hard. I never want my sons feeling like I was right there but a million miles away.

Look, I try. I swear I do. But exhaustion creeps in, distractions pile up—work, stress, all the daily grind. Sometimes I wonder if they’re getting the real me or just whatever scraps are left after everything else.

That’s when the doubts sneak up: Am I doing enough? Am I even saying the right stuff? Am I living out this faith thing for them to see, or just mouthing the words?

But then I remember what You’ve promised—that You’ll never bail, never ghost us. You’re the Dad who sticks around, no matter how much we humans mess it up.

You never said I had to be perfect. Just be there. Love them. Keep showing up, even on those days when I’m running on fumes.

So tonight, I’m letting go of the pressure to carry everything alone. I’m putting my fears, my shortcomings, and my kids in Your hands.

I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to strive to excel – most of the time. And I trust that when I feel like I’m barely holding on, You’re the one holding all of us.

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

Standard
Letters to my sons, Not So Private Thoughts, Parenting, Uncategorized

To my Son – When It Matters, Don’t Stand Still

Son, I want to make something clear, since this is often misunderstood.

Faith isn’t about being passive. It’s about believing in things you can’t see. Patience doesn’t mean standing still. It means getting ready.

Believing something is meant to be doesn’t mean you just wait for life to happen. It means you keep moving forward with purpose, even if you can’t see exactly how things will work out.

This is true in both love and business.

If you feel drawn to someone in a way that stays steady over time, you don’t ignore it out of fear. You show up. You speak honestly. You take the risk of being known—respectfully, thoughtfully, and with courage. Waiting decades doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means choosing them again and again through your actions, even when timing isn’t aligned yet.

The same goes for business. Opportunities don’t come to those who hesitate. They come to those who prepare and take action. You don’t get clarity or perfection before you start; you find it by stepping in, making the call, starting the project, and committing to a path while adjusting along the way.

This is the balance I want you to see:
You can be both patient and decisive.
You can trust God and still take action. So don’t mistake faith for doing nothing.
You can wait for what’s meant for you.

If something is truly ordained, your steps toward it won’t feel frantic—they’ll feel steady. Not rushed. Not reckless. Purposeful. Peaceful.

Both love and business opportunity take courage. Not the dramatic kind, but steady, disciplined courage. The kind that quietly shows up and keeps moving forward.

Take the step with integrity. Make the call. Speak the truth. Build what you set out to build. Build what is ordained.

God opens doors, but you still have to walk through them.

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

Standard
Parenting

The Shocking Moment That Made Me Question Everything

Well, it’s happened. My baby boy—the same kid who used to think money grew on trees and that ‘work’ meant picking up his clothes from the floor—is now officially job hunting.

At 14, he’s decided it’s time to ‘become an earner’ (his words, not mine), so he can start saving… and, let’s be honest, spending. Nothing screams financial wisdom like a teenager with a first paycheck and a world full of sneakers (they must be white), gaming accessories, and Polo by Ralph Lauren.

On one hand, I’m bursting with pride. My son is eager, responsible, and ready to take on the world—one part-time shift at a time. On the other hand… HOW DID THIS HAPPEN SO FAST?! Just yesterday, I was bribing him with ice cream to eat his vegetables, and now he’s filling out applications like a full-fledged adult (except with significantly worse handwriting).

I know this is just the beginning. Soon, he’ll have his own money, his own sense of independence, and—gulp—the realization that taxes are a thing. But for now, I’ll just be over here, trying to hold it together as my kid takes his first real step into the working world.

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

Standard
General Ramblings, Parenting, Social Commentary

The Non-Accidental Family

IVF: Because Some of Us Weren’t Blessed with an Accidental Family

For some lucky folks, starting a family is as simple as a romantic evening, a bottle of wine, and a little bad timing. For the rest of us? Well, let’s just say that biology didn’t get the memo. Enter IVF—the modern miracle for those of us who can’t seem to reproduce the old-fashioned way, despite really, really trying. As fun as that may be!

Now, some might say, “If it doesn’t happen naturally, maybe it wasn’t meant to be.” To which we say: By that logic, glasses, antibiotics, and WiFi weren’t meant to be either—but here we are, seeing clearly, curing diseases, and binge-watching Netflix. Science is a beautiful thing, and IVF is just another example of humanity refusing to take “no” for an answer.

Trump Signs Executive Order Expanding Access to IVF – Want to read more about it? Google it!

Go forth and propagate!

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

Standard
Parenting, Private

Sixteen Years of Ghosts

This week, my son should be turning sixteen. I should be watching him stand in the doorway, tall as his dreams, his shoulders carrying the weight of years he never got to hold. I should know the sound of his voice—a deep, steady river of a thing, shaped by time, by life, by moments that never were. I picture his hands—strong, gentle—gripping a steering wheel, spinning a basketball, holding onto a world that I will never get to know through him. Would he love music? Would he write? Would his laughter split the air, cracking open the sky the way joy is supposed to?
I find myself reaching for him in the quiet spaces, in the shadow of his name unspoken. Sixteen candles should flicker this week, melting wax into memories made. But the cake remains uncut, the song unsung, and time bends in on itself like a cruel trick. Because he never grew into the man I see in my mind. He never took a breath past eighteen months. And for sixteen years, I have carried the weight of someone who never became—loving the ghost of a boy who is forever just beyond my reach.

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

Standard
General Ramblings, Not So Private Thoughts, Parenting, Social Commentary

The case against having children

Parenting and kids are increasingly portrayed by society as liabilities rather than assets. A change in the way our nation views family life is reflected in the emerging narrative that has been highlighted in recent articles. For example, the Surgeon General’s caution that parenting is bad for mental health implies that being a parent is a solitary and possibly dangerous task. This perspective reduces having children to a simple cause of stress and loneliness, ignoring the deep joy and fulfillment they bring into our lives.

Furthermore, it’s becoming increasingly common to have conversations about being “child-free” or unsure about having children. The papers note that a growing number of young Americans are debating whether to have parents due to concerns about money and the high standards set for modern parents. Compared to previous generations, when having children was viewed as a normal and fulfilling aspect of life, this is a significant shift.

American families’ future. Are we allowing the inherent worth of parenthood to be eclipsed by societal demands and growing costs? It’s imperative for parents to counter this unfavorable narrative. Children are a source of love, hope, and continuity—not problems. Parenting presents certain challenges, but the benefits of raising the next generation significantly exceed them.

References:
Parenting Is Hazardous to Your Health, the Surgeon General Warns – The nation’s doctor says parents are lonely. Maybe it’s really the powerlessness of parenthood that’s gotten us down.
https://www.wsj.com/tech/surgeon-general-warning-parenting-mental-health-53f75c63

How Americans Are Thinking About Children – From the ‘child-free’ to the ‘maybe someday’ parents.
https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-americans-are-thinking-about-children-fa8fff60?mod=opinion_feat4_letterstoeditors_pos3

Why Americans Aren’t Having Babies – The costs and rising expectations of parenthood are making young people think hard about having any children at all.
https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/relationships/americans-babies-childless-birthrate-daf438f9?mod=article_inline

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

Standard
General Ramblings, Parenting

Food for Thought

In the tapestry of our family life, food and grandparents are the warp and weft, weaving together the very essence of the home of my boys and me. Their presence infuses the air with warmth and comfort, turning a house into a sanctuary and a sanctuary into a home. From the kitchen emanates the rich aroma of homemade meals, crafted with love and tradition, nurturing both body, soul, and maybe a glass of wine (or two). Meanwhile, the love of grandparents reverberates through the walls, a symphony of joy that uplifts and binds generations together. In this embrace of culinary delights and familial bonds, we find solace, connection, and the true heartbeat of home—the nourishing blend of food, family, and love. We are blessed with every home-cooked meal and hug.

P.S. Let’s not forget the joy of our furry friend, Eva, who is almost certainly an alien.

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

Standard
General Ramblings, Parenting, Uncategorized

We don’t have a cat!

Ah, the teenage years! Raising two teenage sons as a single father feels like navigating a tornado of emotions, laughter, chaotic arguments, and perpetually empty pantry shelves. In this journey, I’ve discovered the unique art of teenage logic—a realm where debates transform into philosophical discussions that leave me questioning how my sons have earned a secret Ph.D. in argumentation.

Their passionate defense of staying up late swiftly transitions to using an empty popcorn box as evidence of insatiable hunger. Logic takes unpredictable twists, where excuses like “the cat stole my homework” (we don’t have a cat!) are considered valid. Dealing with teenage sons challenges my sanity daily, requiring deep breaths, a sense of humor, boundless love, and a well-stocked supply of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream or wine for those particularly trying moments.

Amidst the chaos, I remind myself that these convoluted arguments signify their evolving independence and burgeoning critical thinking skills. Embracing the madness, finding humor in their unique logic, and relishing the adventure of raising two teenage sons becomes a journey worth taking. As they grow into responsible adults, the memories created during these years will be cherished and shared with laughter and love.

These 2 boys are my world, and the love between us is a bond never to be broken.

By Shaun Sima
https://chef-pocket.com/aboutme

P.S. The same can be said for my puppy.

Standard